I’m a rabid Michigan fan — especially football. And anyone who follows college football knows it’s been a rough couple of decades for us. Every Saturday from Labor Day to Thanksgiving, I am on pins and needles about how my Wolverines will do.
When Michigan wins, all is well in the world. But when we lose, I feel despondent, even a bit sick to my stomach. For years I felt embarrassed about my “silly” emotions over football. I mean, it’s JUST a game! “Stop being ridiculous!” I would tell myself. “You’re a grown woman! Are you really going to let this ruin your weekend?” But the harder I tried to suppress, downplay, and even belittle my emotions, the more intense they became. The day I burst into tears in front of friends over a lost game, my self-contempt hit an all-time high.
The point is, ignored emotions don’t go away, they leak and tell on us. And for good reason! Emotions are a gift from God, signposts along the way telling our hearts where we’ve been and where we’re going, what we’ve gained and lost and still hope for.
My friends refused to let me brush off my Michigan meltdown. They began asking about my college years (they were incredible) and then delved back into my high school experience (it’d been tough). And the light began to dawn. My time at Michigan was a poignant story of redemption for me. In high school, I sometimes felt awkward, alone. I didn’t quite fit. It was college where God met and grew me in beautiful ways. I found a place to belong, bloom, and become more of who God had made me to be. No wonder I feel such devotion to my alma mater! Of course my team’s wins and losses move my heart!
So instead of reprimanding myself for potent emotions over lost games, I practiced welcoming and befriending the depth of my emotions. (And yes, I was still tempted to listen to the lies that I was being silly.) But gradually, I became more able to simultaneously hold my angst with the deep joy of remembering my past and feeling profoundly grateful.
I still stress out during game time, but now I understand the context of my deep feelings. I know what they reveal about my story and my heart. And that makes all the difference.